Are we in a gay sports bar?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
