Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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