By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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