Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
