They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
