I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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