Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
