All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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