My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Randomize
