im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
