I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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