I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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