i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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