pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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