please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
