I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
