i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
