threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
