Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I want to have your abortion
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
