Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
