I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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