it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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