yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
