Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
