just tell him i said nine months
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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