he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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