Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
