She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
