You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
