I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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