I'm so fucking centered right now
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
