she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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