woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
