I wish I could teleport
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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