i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
