the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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