I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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