Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
