Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
