how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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