i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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