she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How naked do you want me to be?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
