So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
