What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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