i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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