I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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