she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize