i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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