and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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