I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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