there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
