Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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