Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
