woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
