I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
