he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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