Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
