Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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