The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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