Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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