It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
