I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
whose parrot is this?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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