Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
