Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize