Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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