Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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