Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Im part way to drunk.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
