What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize