yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
