HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
