"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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