i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize