i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
