so explain again why im purple
no
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
