the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
