Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
