Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
BRING THE BAGELS
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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