I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
