Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
