Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
