There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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