Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
