Michael Bay diarrhea
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Who died my cat blue again?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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