yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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