you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
